Now, what do you think makes a good wife?

I don't want to be one sided. I want men and women to participate in what you think a good wife is. And if ONE person says submissive, I will puke my guts out and hunt you down and .... well, not really, but I'll want to!

I'll go first:

Respectful - meaning, don't call your husband stupid (unless you're kidding of course!); don't ridicule him or his decisions (I mean, ya, you can talk about them and give your opinion)

Do NOT EVER nag - I read at MarriageBuilders.com that this woman said her husband never did anything she asked. The counselor told her to ask him once, then don't ask again, but when it does it, praise him and tell him how thankful she was. After that, she only had to ask him to do something once. Of course, for me, I HATE nagging, so I don't do it, and then nothing gets done unless I do it or I call someone to do it.

Take care of him - before you get your panties in a wad, I mean do little things for him. Men really appreciate the little things. My husband could give a crap if I clean the bathrooms, but when he goes running or biking I'll make him a recovery drink and put it in the fridge. The first time I did that you would think I won the lottery or something. I make coffee in the morning and take him a cup without him asking. I straighten out his drawers and try to color code things cause he is color blind. THESE things I know he appreciates and he tells me no one has ever done those things for him.

Tell him he looks good - Personally, I love my husband in jeans, shirt, baseball cap and tennis shoes. It's just so manly. And he has the BEST legs ever. I always tell him he should do underwear commercials. Men love when women tell them how good they look.

Keep the house clean - and no, I don't mean SPOTLESS (like I do, but I like to clean and I'm OCD about it). My husband said he never had friends over when he was married to his ex cause she didn't know how to clean and when she did laundry, she left piles all over the place.

Humor - learn to laugh and have fun.

Talk - even with all the problems, my husband and I talk about the strangest things and then laugh our asses off. I mean STRANGE things, like the conversation I posted a while ago, we do things like that all the time. I've had friends tell me they wish they could just have meaningless conversations like that with their husbands.

Physical - We ALL know how much men love sex. A lot of women do, too. There are times I just do NOT feel like it, but honestly? Once we get started, there is just something about him that turns me on. If you don't feel like it, at least TRY to feel like. And if you can't because it's that time of the month? Like my husband told me once "your gums aren't bleeding are they?" I laughed until I almost peed my pants. But he gives me what I need, and I give him what he needs. Sex has never been a problem for us.

Honesty - Goes without saying, right?

Faithful - also goes without saying.

Well, this is harder to think about than I imagined! But these are some of my thoughts.

Now it's your turn. Just make a list or feel free to explain. Use all the room you want, and again I'll compile and post the list in a few days!

What DO you think makes a good husband? The results are in!

I have no idea how to attach a file here. What I've done is put everything in alphabetical order, in brief form, and if there were answers that were similar, I added them in that group.

What do you think a good husband is, or what qualities does he have, or what qualities do you WANT him to have? Suvery SAID!

1) Accepting and understanding
2) Accepting that neither of you, or the world, is perfect
3) Agree on big stuff, not necessarily the little stuff. Everyone is different. (Good one!)
4) Allow for each other's quirks
5) Allows you to be yourself
6) Show appreciation
7) Is supportive emotionally
8) Calls you his bestfriend first, wife second. (Two others also stated bestfriends)
9) Can tell you when he disagrees, but not in a demeaning way.
10) Caring
11) Defends the family - protective - fights in your corner - defends you, no matter what - defends you against anybody
12) Does what needs to be done to make his wife feel loved and cherished
13) Doesn't raise his voice in anger
14) Doesn't give guilt trips
15) Doesn't want to change you - Accepts you for who you are (three people said this)
16) Evolving
17) Fair
18) Feels your pain when you are hurting
19) Good listener (a total of five people said this)
20) Happiest at home
21) Helps around the house - (a total of three people said this)
22) Helps with the kids - Takes care of the kids to let me sleep in
23) Humor - (a total of three said this) - laughs with you, not at you
24) Kind
25) Loving - loves you no matter what
26) Makes you smile
27) Meets emotional needs (I'm surprised only one person said this. According to books I have read, this is the MOST important thing for women in a marriage).
28) Morally sound
29) Never hold money, power or status over your head
30) No Abuse
31) No bad addictions
32) Doesn't say unkind things to you or the family
33) Offers encouragement
34) Compliments you
35) Plays hard
36) Provider (a total of five people said this)
37) Respectful of you, your opinions, your family and friends (a total of four people said this)
38) Says loving, positive things to everyone in the family
39) Shows you he thinks about you during the day
40) Sober
41) Someone who is perfect for YOU, not necessarily "perfect". (I love this one)
42) Someone you enjoy being with
43) Takes care of you when you're sick
44) Takes the trash out without being asked
45) Thinks your beautiful no matter what
46) Truthful, honest (WOW! nine people said this!)
47) Understands when you are hormonally imbalanced
48) Unselfish lover (good lover, good in bed, unselfish in bed)
49) Wife and family first - (a total of four people said this)
50) Willing to talk about things - communicates (a total of four people said this. Again, I'm surprised. I thought it would be more)
51) Works hard
52) Writes you little love notes for no reason
53) Faithful - (Only three people said this. Maybe it goes without having to be said?)

So, there ya have it. Looks like the #1 thing women wanted were honesty. I can't imagine any husband who is NOT honest, but maybe several have had one that wasn't?

I don't ask for much, just play along!

Can you all do me a favor please? Just play along here.

What do you think a "good husband" is or does? What does that mean to you personally? I don't want to know about a "bad" husband, I think we all know what those are and what they do. But what, in your opinion, constitutes a "good husband". I have my own ideas but will post them later. I'm also going to take everyone's answer, put them on a spreadsheet, compile and compare them, and then post about it in a few days.

Let's begin, shall we?

Blah Blah Blah Blah

One thing I have learned in life, nothing is as big a deal as it first seems. Well, for me anyway. You panic; your heart races; you have a sense of dread or anger; your adrenaline rushes through your body. But after a good nights sleep, things just don't seem as important as they did when they initially happened, or as BAD. I mean, they probably are, but for me? I just say WhatTheFuckEver. Just another stumbling block to get through and it's not like it's the first time I ever had to get through one!

I'm so freaking bored right now. I just spent 3 days moving furniture around, cleaning the upstairs, and putting together a computer desk. My kids go back to their dad's tonight and DAMN I'm going to miss my little girl. She's going to miss me, too. When she woke up this morning she was sad and when I asked her what was wrong, she said, "I'm going to daddy's today and I'm gonna miss you." She wrote up a contract last night that has six "points" on it. I had to sign my name by each one agreeing that I would love her forever, I wouldn't spank her (I never do anyway) I won't get mad at her..and a few others. Then she made me write a contract for her to sign, too. One of mine was that she always had to sit by me on the love seat. She got mad because I still won't let her eat popcorn and she scooted away from me. I said, "you broke your contract, you said you would always sit by me on the love seat". She went and got it and ripped it in half. Yea, stubborn and bullheaded, just like her mama!

Cleaning and pulling teeth

Ariana survived her surgery! She was so excited that morning and even when we got there. Alex, her dad, was really nervous and he was tickled that he was more nervous than she was. We went back with her and I took a few pictures with my phone but I forgot my freaking camera! She was so cute in her little blue gown, her blue hair cap, and covered with the white hospital blanket. I kissed her and they wheeled her away.

About two hours later they came and got us and said everything went really well. She had just woken and Alex and I went back to the recovery room. I sat in the recliner and they put her in my lap. She was NOT happy! Of course they told me she would be grumpy and mad and she was. She laid on my lap and slept about another 15 minutes and then Alex held a cup so she could drink water. She said underneath her tongue hurt and I told her it probably got stretched when they put the stuff in her mouth. She yelled, "THEY STRETCHED MY TONGUE?????!!!!!" Oh my God. It was so freaking funny and we laughed so hard, and of course she got mad because we were laughing. We were finally able to leave about 2:15. When we got home she stayed in bed the rest of the night and said she was woozy whenever she stood up. She was still the same this morning and didn't eat anything until about noon today. I got her some mashed potatoes from KFC and I swear, about 15 minutes later, she was completely normal and full of energy.

I spent the last two days moving furniture around and cleaning bedrooms. I am so freaking tired right now and I KNOW when I wake up tomorrow, every muscle in my body while hurt from moving three queen size beds, three dressers, a desk, four end tables, two recliners and rolling up a giant rug and moving it. Not to mention the TV's I had to move and all the CRAP I had to clean up from under beds. Holy Shit. Kids are freaking nasty asses. My room was never a mess when I was growing up and I can't believe that ANY person would EVER want to live in pig sties the way Chris's two kids and my one teenager have. FREAKING GROSS!!!!

Anyway, that's it. I'm tired. Good night.

Letter to a Therapist

Dear Dr. Zecca,

When I first came to you, I know I was crazy. You said there is no such thing as crazy, just confused. I hated myself and wondered how anyone in the world could ever love me if my own mother couldn’t love me. You taught me that hurt, buried deep inside, is where anger came from. You taught me that I am loved and I’m lovable, but I had to learn to love the little girl inside me since no one else had ever shown her love. You taught me that the reason I love and protect my children so much is because there was no one to do the same for me. That by loving, taking care of, kissing and hugging and protecting my little girl, I was taking care of the little girl in me. You helped me learn to open up. You helped me look at pictures of myself as a little girl and feel sorry for her, not be afraid of her. You showed me how to “feel”. You helped me find my way and to remember that I am no longer that little girl that my mother made eat off the floor like a dog while standing over me beating me with a belt; I’m not her and it was not that little girls fault. It was the mother’s fault because she didn’t know how to love. She was incapable of loving and only knew how to show hatred. Nothing she did to me was my fault. I took the blame for so many years because I didn’t know any different. I was locked up inside and afraid to be me for anyone, because while growing up, I learned that being me was a terrible thing.

But you helped me. You made me strong and I became stronger as each day went by. I could tell you things I had never dreamt of telling anyone else on this earth. I confided in you and no matter what I told you, you didn’t judge me. You taught me how to heal myself. You showed me compassion and understanding. My openness with you was unlike any I had ever experienced, and it felt so good to be me, to say the things I wanted to say and to say what I thought. But things changed. The lines became fuzzy to me. I wanted you as my friend. I wanted you to be proud of me. I began wishing I had a mother like you, or a friend like you, or someone like you who just cared. Then I would wonder if you really cared, or where you just doing your job? Was it both? Is it possible for a patient and doctor to become friends? I started editing our sessions. I didn’t divulge certain things because I was afraid you would think I was a failure. My husband the alcoholic; me the enabler. You told me so many times certain things would happen, and when they did, I didn’t tell you. I knew you would disapprove and ask why I was putting up with those things. You would tell me how strong I was and how far I had come and I knew better than to allow this back in to my life after I fought so hard to get away.

I loved you as a friend, and no longer looked to you as a doctor. I had no idea how to explain it to you so instead, I quit. After three years of once a week sessions, I quit. I dropped out of your life. I never came back and I never called you. I wouldn’t be able to stand the disapproving tone and I couldn’t live with you thinking I was a failure, even though deep down, I know you would never think that.

It’s been two years since our last session and I still wish I had you to talk to. Someone who could smile at me and tell me what I’m thinking and feeling is NOT wrong, it’s perfectly normal and I have a right to be angry and I don’t have to put with that shit and I should do something about it. Someone to tell me I am not that little girl anymore, I am a woman and I am strong and I can do any thing. I deserve to be happy and treated with respect and I deserve to have someone I can respect, because if I don’t respect that person, how could I possibly continue to love them? I need someone like you who cares. Someone who wants to talk to me. Someone who doesn’t mind if I cry and cuss and yell. Someone I can tell my darkest secrets to and know it will be okay. I need someone to be my friend.

I miss you Dr. Zecca and I’m sorry I was so weak that all I could do is simply walk away.

My baby is back! (Ariana that is).

My head has been killing me since last night, and I rarely get headaches. It's making me lose focus and it's hard to think, and I feel completely run down. Very strange.

Last night I was explaining to Ariana about her surgery on Friday and told her that she could not eat or drink anything at all that day. She can't drink, water, milk or anything; she can't brush her teeth; she can't chew gum or candy or suck on a tic tac or anything at all so we are just going to lay around all day and watch movies, play on the computer and stuff like that. She asked me why and I told her because if she eats she could get sick while she is asleep during surgery and if she throws up she could choke. She asked me why they can't just do that thing where they hit you and make you NOT choke. I told her the doctor said she CANNOT eat or drink on Friday. She said, "So I can't do anything??" I said, "That's right because I don't want you to get thirsty." She said, "So, I can't even POOP????" Then she busted up laughing and I busted up laughing and she got the giggles and could NOT stop!

Yesterday she also asked me why water comes out of the bottom of cars if they use their air conditioner. I told her I thought it had something to do with condensation and the pipes getting watery...and then I said, "I really don't know. You'll have to ask Chris". Then she said, "Hmmm, I think I kinda get it, but I need a little more information so I can squeeze it all together and make it make sense".

My God I miss that child when she's not here!

Chris is out of town to Bowling Green, spending the night and then playing golf tomorrow because you know, it's SO far away. A whole 45 minutes to an hour! I'm curious to see if he goes out tonight, and those of you who have been reading my blog a while (Beth) you know the agreement he and I have and if he breaks it? All I can say is next weekend when I don't have my kids? I'm going to have a DAMN good time.

I don't like my husband anymore.

Yesterday all was quite until around 1:00 PM. Storms started hitting Stewart County and then swept through out system. All told, we had 11 substation breakers out, two WE breakers out, and several scattered outages which amounted to over 15,000 customers without power by 4:00 PM.

Have you ever NOT liked your spouse? I mean, still love them, but just do not like them. This has been happening to me over the past weeks, getting more severe as each day went by. My husband started drinking more scotch and in the morning, he has this god-awful smell coming out of his pores and it just makes me sick. So yea, my husband has been stinking and what a turn off that is.

With all this reduction of child support and the ex fighting it, and his son graduated from high school and not having to come to our house anymore, my husband has been a big-ass whiny baby. I'm so freaking tired of hearing "why do these thing only happen to me. Why can't I ever catch a break. I always take the high road and she does the wrong thing and gets away with it. I'm such a failure. I don't know what I've done to deserve this." I've told him that bad things happen to every body in the world. Every person on earth gets screwed one time or another and it's not what happens to you that matters, it's how you get through it. I also told him I am TIRED of hearing him whine about it and having a pity party, because for a man that makes over $100,000 year, whose kids college's are paid for with their stocks from the grandfather, and their cars are paid for, AND they have an allotted 25% of their stocks they can use for a down payment on a house, he is damn fortunate. I struggled through my child hood. I had no money for a dress to even go to prom, no car, no college.

He has been complaining that we didn't have a life plan so I finally sat down with him about a month or two ago. When the child support for Zach stops, that's an extra $700 a month. At the same time, my husband no longer has to pay for Zach's car insurance, which is $284 a month. With that $1,000 a month, we decided to add it to the jeep payment and it would be paid off in less than 9 months. We add that $300 and pay an extra $1,300 to the van and it would be paid off in 5 months, and so on and so forth and all bills, including the house would be paid off in about five years.

So, over the past week, I just had this feeling. I don't know why, but I just knew that Chris was going to keep paying Zach's car insurance and it was bugging the crap out off me, along with the other stuff I mentioned above.

After work yesterday I explained to him about the smell and his having a pity party about his ex. Finally I said, "You're going to keep paying Zach's car insurance aren't you." He said yes. Now, first of all, the car is his ex's name. I asked if he was going to pay full coverage or liability. He said Zach asked him to pay full coverage, "but since he'll be 18 it goes down to $262". I can't even being to tell you the anger that went full force through my body. I paid for my son's car insurance for six months in the amount of $75 and then he paid me back. Chris never shut up about that the whole time. He would always tell me that when a child reaches 18 they are an adult and should take care of themselves. Zach works. Why can't he pay his own insurance since every thing else, someone else pays for? His clothes, his car, his college, his food, everything. I told Chris "That fucking pisses me off. We decided you weren't going to and we were going to get bills paid off." He said, "Well, there is a condition. He has to get good grades in college and I have to know what he does with every dollar from his job." Me? In my head thinking, Bullshit. You don't know now what he does with his money, and you give him money all the time for gas and lunch at work, what they hell does he do with his money? And my boys aren't even allowed to visit me and ........

I had the over-whelming need to throw something at him. Hit him. Punch him. Smash a bottle. I hadn't been that angry in so very long, not since he stuck his c#ck in my sisters face when he was drunk and asked her if she wanted to suck it. All these things from the past three years flew through my head and sadness, anger, and so many emotions happens, I stood up and said, "I'm leaving". I went in, threw on some jogging pants a tee shirt, grabbed my beer out of the fridge, and drove to my friend Leah's. Thank God for her. If not for her, I have no idea where I would have gone. We sat on her back porch talking, laughing, telling stores, and having an over-all wonderful time. I needed it.

I got home around 10:00 PM. He was in bed. I got ready, went to bed, fell asleep. We didn't say a word to each other.

Don't know what I'm going to do. I'm tired of the double standards. I'm tried of seeing a grown man afraid of his own children. Afraid he might make them mad so he gives them what they want. It is really making me sick and I'm losing respect for this man faster and faster as each month goes by. He doesn't seem to care what I think or say, only what his kids and his ex thinks and wants. I'm not included, and what spouse wants to feel like that all the time?

When the cat's away, the mice will play - and then they die.

Dead mouse in front yard equals happy "catthatisnotmine" on front porch.

Maggie, you want to borrow her? She's REALLY good.

The new age of Gay Rights

Is it okay that I let my daughter spend the night with her gay boy friend?? Another girl was spending the night, too. His father and mother said girls always spend the night there, or he spends the night at their house. I couldn't let him spend the night here cause Chris's daughter is here and he would have freaked the fuck out. If I wasn't married to Chris, it would be absolutely no problem to me if he spent the night.

The boy is an excellent cheer leader at his high school and cheers for a competition club, too. He is from Brazi. I just LOVE him! He is so freaking nice.

If her dad found out, we would both be dead. But the parents assured me they do not sleep in the same room cause they understand how parents wouldn't accept that.

So what do you think? Not that it matters, but I'm just curious.