Not doing so well

Wow. It's been almost a year since I have posted in this blog. I wish I could tell you things were great. For the most part, they were.

This past February I moved into a house. I wasn't able to buy it because my ex STILL hasn't taken my name off the loan for HIS house, and unless I have 20% to put down, I can't buy a house. They house was built in '77 or something like, but it's still in good shape. I really do like it. I worry every day that the owner is going to tell me he has a buyer, but considering it was on the market for year before I talked him in to letting me rent it, I hope there is little chance of that! I now live a  mile from work and it's awesome! No more fighting traffic!

Things started going down hill in May. When school was out, I let my teenager go to Knoxville with friends. Well, I got a call from a Police Officer. She and one of her friends were caught shop lifting. Long story short, and $400 later, she has probation for six months, had to do 16 hours of community service, take a class on theft prevention, and write an essay. Well, about a month ago, I get a call from WalMart here that my daughter has been picked up for shop lifting. I screamed at the guy, "I'M NOT COMING TO PICK HER UP! IF I DO I WILL WHIP  HER ASS!" Then I hung up and called her dad. (She lives with me full time now because she said her step mom hates her). He said, "Well, I'm eating dinner right now." I hung up on him. The she texted me several times begging me to come get her. I show up at WalMart and never said a word until the office asked me my name. Then he looked at my daughter and said, "Wow. Your mom is pretty mad."

So, we went to court last week, which wasn't REALLY court. It was an arraignment and I was informed my daughter, as a minor, has a legal right to an attorney, and since I'm her guardian, it's my responsibility to get her one or I can be held in contempt of court. Really? I have to get a freaking lawyer? SHE'S GUILTY! The guy took the stuff out of her purse and I don't have the freaking money for an attorney! ACTUAL court is December 2, with Christmas right around the corner and I already don't have any money because I spend it all on her!

I think I'll take a post at a time to let you know all the other crap going on. I seriously don't know if I can handle much more.

Okay, I'm sure I can, but dang I'm tired of handling stuff!

Puppy = love!

First things first. As you may or may not know, I have been wanting, and looking, for a new puppy. I had to get rid of my little Wyatt boy, who I loved so very much, before I moved. Chris had kept my other dog, then he decided he didn't want her anymore so a friend of mine kept her a while, until she got evicted. I took the dog back, even though I'm not supposed to have dogs and she was FULL of fleas. My dog has NEVER had fleas before. Had to give her a flea bath, put Frontline on her, and a week later gave her another bath. I also vacuumed all the furniture and carpets, cleaned all the bedding and comforters, and steam cleaned the floors. She has no fleas! Woo Hoo!

Anyway, if I get a small puppy, one that will stay around 4 - 5 pounds, I can litter train it. Most breeders automatically start puppy pad training their puppies as soon as they can walk. I've read up on it, and you keep your puppy confined to a small area, have their bed, food and water near each other, and then a few feet away, have the litter pan. You line it with the pads at first and then gradually add the litter about an inch at a time, and then voila! They are litter box trained. Also, since it's getting cold, and the puppy is so small, you aren't supposed to take them outside where other dogs have been until they have had all their shots (well, this is true for ALL puppies. I bred Schnauzers and one guy who bought a puppy from me spent $100's of dollars because his puppy got Parvo. It was only ten weeks old and he had it out in his yard where other dogs always roamed). So, I will get a used playpen and keep her in there. The breeder also suggested you should only play with your puppy for 15 - 30 minutes at a time and then let them nap. Going to a new home, playing too much, and being cold causes stress and can lower the puppies blood sugar level causing hypoglycemia in small breed puppies. I'll keep her in the playpen with her house, food and water, and litter pan. I'm also taking that whole week of Christmas off to bond with her and make sure she is okay. I'm picking her up on the 18th of December. My son and daughter are actually going in together to buy her for me, but I did put the deposit down. She is part Maltese and part Yorkie. Her dad is 3 pounds and her mom is 4 pounds. I can't think of a name yet and I have been through SO many! I've had Wyatt Earp and Calamity Jane (Callie). I've had a male and female Schnauzer named Levi and Strauss. So I want an original name, but just can't find one I like!

Anyway, here she is at 2 1/2 weeks old!

And yes Beth, we are going to breed our dogs! You would be amazed at how much money you can get for one Morkie. I'll tell you later just how much. They are one of the #1 most sought after dogs, and they are hard to come by. This time next year, maybe we'll have extra Christmas money!

Okay, I can't end a post without a story about my little girl. She told me the other day she has a new boyfriend. He is new at her school and although he isn't in her class he does ride her bus. She said, "And mom, we held hands. It's the first time I ever held a boys hand and it's kind of a big deal for me." I just smiled and said, "Well honey, that IS a big deal." My older daughter said, "Dang, she is way ahead of me! I didn't hold a boys hand the first time till I was in 6th grade!".

Yea, long post about a puppy. But hey, I deserve to finally have something to be excited about in 2010, right?

By they way, I didn't get the house. Someone else had already put a bid in on it, but I am going to look at another one today!

Life is short, live it while you can!

Well, all I can say about being absent again for two weeks, is those two weeks I was not here, I thought I was having a meltdown. I mean really, a freaking meltdown. Last week there was a day I just cried, and I had NO IDEA why. I mean NONE. I was just so freaking sad. I guess there has been so much stuff happen to me this year and maybe I just needed to get it all out of my system. I made a list of all the bad things that happened and I wondered why I hadn't had a nervous break down already! But now I'm fine. Bad things happen. Things change for better and for worse, for worse and for better. This is the worst year I have had in many, many years, so maybe things will start getting better for me now. We can only hope!

I got some very bad news about someone I care about very much. I can't say who it is, although most of you wouldn't know that person anyway, but I have no clue who reads my blog and doesn't comment so in case it's a family member I won't mention names. But, this person, who is extremely healthy, was diagnosed with brain lesions. Not just a few, but a LOT. The doctor actually said, "This is bad. This is very, very bad". They will start testing this person by first doing a spinal tap to rule out Encephalitis, Lyme Disease and some other things, and exhaust all efforts to determine why the brain lesions are there. This person can no longer drive because of two seizures that occurred (which is why they went to the doctor to begin with, because they had never had a seizure before in their life) and the medicine they are now on to help prevent future seizures. Another seizure could result in a stroke, loss of sight, loss of use in a limb, etc. I'm just in shock, and have so many questions that currently have no answers.

Then I got a call that my brother had emergency surgery. He was having extreme stomach pain and finally went to the ER. He, like me, does NOT go to the hospital. I have been to the ER once (for me anyway) and I had Kidney stones. Anyway, it didn't take them long to get him under and take care of it. He is in El Paso and said the hospital, doctors, nurses, and everyone was just awesome. They were friendly and attentive and treated him very well. He is a single dad and convinced them to let him go home yesterday to be with his kids. He has full custody of them and has them 24/7/365.

There is a house I want really bad. Three bedrooms, two full baths, hardwood floors, fireplace, fenced in back yard, covered deck, dinning room and kitchen. It's only $132,000. Well, I don't have 3 1/2% for a down payment. There are programs out there for 100% financing, but neither I, nor the house, qualify for those. The house has been for sale for quite a while (It's only about 1300 square foot) and I had asked my real estate agent to see if they would do a rent/lease to own. They are moving to Washington DC, are buying a house and don't want two house payments. I haven't heard back from him yet, but if ANYONE knows of a way to make quick money, or get 100% financing, please let me know! There has got to be some way I can get that house!!!! Plus, the payments would be so much lower than my rent is now so not only would I have a house, but I'd be saving $400 a month! Please help!

Later!

I can have a house, but not a dresser?

Have I mentioned that my oldest daughter is living with me full time? Well, once she brought over all her stuff from her dad's she ran out of room to put her clothes.

Now, when I moved out of the house, I left Chris dishes, silver ware, pots and pans, towels, and all kinds of stuff. He didn't have anything when he moved in and I was just being nice. I also left all the yard stuff, stuff that I had LONG before I ever started seeing him, but since I was moving to an apartment, I figured I didn't need it. I also left stuff that I still wanted, but had no room for in my apartment. I told him this when I moved out. A recliner, two dressers, the Christmas tree that I had LONG before I started seeing him, and all the outside Christmas decorations.

Keep in mind, he wants to give the house back to me so he doesn't have to worry with selling it or re-financing it.  I can't buy a house with my name still on that mortgage. I told him I didn't want it, but he said he will give me six months to think about it anyway.

Today I told him I wanted to come and pick up my daughter's other dresser. I told him I didn't want the head board, just the dresser. He said, "I gave it to Sarah". I asked how he could give MY dresser away and that bedroom suit cost me $2,000 and I told him I was just leaving it there till I found somewhere else cause I didn't have room for it. He said, "you have room now?" I told him I was taking her TV stand and her desk to a friends and store in his basement until I move. He didn't like that at all. I told him he could HAVE the other dresser and the headboard, I just wanted the dresser and mirror. Well, he doesn't know. He'll have to think about it. WTF? He wants to GIVE me the freaking house that I bought, but he has to THINK ABOUT the fucking dresser??? I got so mad my face turned red, I was shaking and just royally pissed. He totally fucked up my life, got the house, at least $10,000 in all the work and other upgrades I put in to that place, and he wants to keep a freaking dresser.

If I don't get the dresser back, I'm going to hire an attorney and make his ass take my name off the mortgage. I have a friend that would do it for free. I can't buy another house with my name on it and the whole situation makes my head spin. Makes no freaking sense to me at all.

But here is something funny. When my oldest daughter was cleaning her room (you couldn't even see her floor) she brought my bike out and put it in the hallway. Now, my bike was leaning against the door of the storage closet. Ariana asked her why she was putting it in the hallway. She said, "This bike is always in my way." Ariana said, very sarcastically, "Really. The bike is in your way. Not the clothes ALL over your floor?" My oldest daughter started yelling at her and I had to stop them but then I whispered to Ariana, "Way to go!" and I gave her a high five! I love that little girl.

Just rambling

Have had a pretty good last couple of days. I found a washer on Craigslist for $50. The ad said it was six months old, moving, must sale ASAP. I went and looked at it that day, and while I don't really believe it's only six months old, it does work great! Amazing how good it feels to have a washer!

Stayed out too late on Friday, but had a great time with friends. I spent the day with my guy on Sunday watching football, eating, then slow dancing in his living room to Joe Cocker. Nice!

I stayed home yesterday to take my little girl out to buy a Halloween costume, complete with hair dye, false eye lashes, and matching make up. Then we went to see Secretariat. Okay, I realize I know how the movie ends, considering it's based on a true story, but I cried at the end. I know! What's up with that? The movie was good, but just not "Best movie of the year!" good, like they all keep saying. But my God. Seeing that horse win the final race, and seeing what he did, freaking amazing!!!!

Then we drove around to all the pet stores looking at puppies. I want either a Morkie or a Yorkie Poo, and Helga's had a beautiful little Yorkie Poo girl there that should only get about 5 pounds. But she has a cold right now and is on medication. My older daughter and son said they would buy me a puppy for Christmas, so I'm going to call Helga and ask her how little girl is doing. Not sure yet if I'm going to get her, but I want her REALLY bad!!! I NEED a dog!!!! The hamster just will NOT cuddle with me on the couch! What's up with that anyway?? LOL

Bitch Factor

The house Chris is in (the one I bought and decorated, and put crown molding in, and tile above the counter tops) was appraised at $188,000. He owes $173,000. So, I would have to re-finance that house. That means closing costs, which they roll in to the house, but that would lessen the equity. I could "assume" the mortgage, but then my payments would be $1,227, (the interest is currently 6%) plus a lot bigger utility bills. I really don't want that big of a house, or that big of payments. I want to live comfortably!

My other ex, Alex, who I had the two girls with is married. She has a son in 9th grade. My boyfriend teaches her son World History. Well, it's a LONG story, but Alex gets really bad grades, gets in trouble, and yet she acts like he is perfect and never believes anything bad about him. My boyfriend talked to her last week about her son failing his class because he NEVER turns in ANY work. He gave her son make-up work, as a FAVOR, to help bring his grade up. He was supposed to have this work turned in by yesterday. Well, he not only didn't turn in his make-up work, he also didn't turn in his regular work. He said that her son is a good kid and doesn't cause any trouble in his class, he just doesn't do ANYTHING in his class. So, when I was talking to my girls dad, I told him all about it. He thanked me, said he appreciated it, and any communication regarding her son was great and he would let her know.

He called back 10 minutes later and said she was freaking pissed. She said how dare the teacher tell her husband's EX WIFE anything about her son. She said that was personal business and he doesn't need to be discussing her son with anyone else. Now, keep in mind, when my older daughter was in the hospital, she told her friends and her boss WHY, and it was a VERY personal thing that my daughter didn't want people to know. Hell, there are very few people who know why, and BETH doesn't even know yet. I can't bring myself to tell anyone about it. So, here I was trying to help her out because I thought she was a nice person. She seemed to be good to my kids. Heck, I even made the girls buy her mother's day cards! But her whole thing is the fact that I'm the EX, and I have no business in her son's life. I was freaking trying to help, and so was my boyfriend! He teaches, then has track practice till 5:00 PM. He goes to tack meets every Saturday and it's hard for him to talk to her. Now she is mad at me, mad at her husband (my ex) and mad at my boyfriend and has already called the school and left a message to let them know how unprofessional he is. HELLO! It wasn't very professional of HER to tell everyone why MY daughter was in the freaking hospital either and I didn't go over the freaking deep end.

P.S. Does anyone have a good, used, working, cheap wash machine I can buy???? :-)

The year from hell

I'm alive. No, really, I am! I'm not sure anyone cares very much and I don't post because I have absolutely no will power to do so. I don't go on Facebook or read other blogs anymore because they all make my life seem so much more boring and it just depresses me. I don't talk on the phone cause I don't have anything (much) good to say. I still can't believe this is where my life is right now. I never, EVER would have thought this is where I'd be. Five 1/2 years ago, when I bought my house, I didn't think life could ever get any better. Now I'm wondering if it could get any worse. My oldest daughter went through some very tough things and was in the hospital for three days. I had no money to pay my rent and my older sister had to help me. Someone hit my car. The apartment gates shut on my car. I got TWO FLAT TIRES, in ONE day, and then had a dead battery. Now my washing machine motor has blown up and God knows I do NOT have the money to buy a new one, and I was told it would be cheaper if I could find a used one for around $100 then to get a new motor put on this one.

The guy I'm dating has never been married and never had kids, and he doesn't know how to "act" with them, or how to just BE around them, and I'm realizing more and more that this probably won't last. But that's okay, cause I'm just in it for the fun and compainship anyway. I mean, he is nice, and we have fun, and get along, but it's lnot ike THAT. Nothing GREAT. But I think I'm purposely holding back so that it won't be, so I won't get hurt.

My oldest son started school the end of August, and my younger son FINALLY got his GED. My youngest daughter is a wonderful, bright, funny child, as always. She bought herself a hamster. Jack only cost $2.99 because the pet store had so many and man oh man she loves him! He is a sweet guy, that's for sure.

I was going to buy a house. Three bedroom, two bath, fenced in yard, 1,300 square feet, perfect for me and the two girls. Guess what. I found out that my name is still on the mortgage of my old house! Chris was supposed to re-finance. So, I can't buy a house without having 20% down payment UNLESS Chris re-finances the house and gets my name off the mortgage. When I asked him, he said he hasn't decided whether or not he wants to keep it. Then he suggested that I take the house back and re-finance it.

So, my apartment rent is $1,099. The house I wanted to buy? The payments would have been $687. The house Chris wants me to take back? Payments will be just over $900. I don't want that big of a freaking payment!!!!! And I don't need a 2,100 square foot house.

So, yea. Divorce. Move. Son in jail. Daughter in hospital. Car problems. Can't buy a house.

It's been just a lovely year.

It's Jazzy!

Weekend was pretty good. Ariana and I hung out mostly, but Saturday afternoon, the guy I sometimes hang out with called and asked if me and Ariana wanted to go to Jazz on the Lawn. It's at Beachaven Winery. I have never gone because honestly I don't think I could sit there that long and listen to Jazz. However, I was so pleasantly surprised. It's free, and you take blankets or chairs, food, snacks, whatever. I don't drink wine so we snuck beer in. The band that play was awesome, and there were so many people there. Ariana ran around and met some "friends". But then again, she can make a friend on a desert island, I swear. She danced with a boy named Andrew, who is 8. It was so cute! They danced and danced. Then me and Wade went out and was dancing along with what seemed like most of the people there! I swear I have never danced with such a big crowd in my life! But it has been very dry here and the dust cloud that rose from all the dancing was awful. We got home at 10:00 PM and Ariana and I jumped in the shower to get all the dust off. I swear our feet were just covered with it! But you can bet I'll be going again. It was a blast, and Ariana said she had the best time ever!

We didn't do much Sunday. Just hung out and watched TV. I fell asleep watching Bounty Hunter, and if you know me at all, you know I do NOT sleep during the day!

Also, there is a bird stuck in the front of my car, in a place you can't get to easily. I didn't know until I started smelling something yesterday morning and by then I figured it was too late to try and get it out. I mean, I didn't feel like puking all over the place so I'm going to let it just take it's course, and maybe in a few days, the bones and feathers will just fall out! How gross is that!

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend!

La La La La Life Goes On

My first thought as I write this is, will anyone even read me anymore? As you can tell (if you looked), I’ve deleted most posts from my blog. I have them saved, but since it’s a new life for me, I figured it would be a new blog as well.

On June 1st my divorce will be final. Then I can change back to my maiden name. It’s amazing how much crap I’m gonna have to change it on. Geez. But guess what? I’m doing great! Better than I ever expected I would be doing. Yes, I was devastated. But I think it was mostly because my future was planned. I KNEW what the future held, for the most part. I was married. Had a house. Retirement was planned. I was living my life, day to day. It’s actually hard to explain. But at my age, you are settled. You just live your life the best you can and move forward. Then someone sends a wrench crashing through your life and all of a sudden, you have no idea what the hell you are going to do.
ANYWAY, the girls and I are happy. I actually like my apartment, and I never, EVER thought I would like living in an apartment. But I never hear my neighbors, so that is a BIG plus. I have painted a few walls, which makes a huge difference. My girls and I hang out at home, or go to the park, or run around. Me and Ariana especially spend a lot of time together going to the park and walking the trail, playing near the creek, play basketball, swing, things like that. Our pool opened a week ago and it’s really nice. I didn’t know my little girl was such a swimmer! I bought her pool toys that sink to the bottom and she just goes right after them. I love watching her.

So, my boys. My oldest son is enrolled in college but won’t be able to start till fall cause his FAFSA went through too late. My youngest son? My oh my. Remember the accident? Well, three weeks ago he finally had court. It was a Wednesday. He was sentenced to 10 years probation. So what does that bucket head do? He decides it’s a good idea to go out and get drunk “one more time” before probation started on Friday. His friend hit a guard rail. Well, they were just going to leave cause there wasn’t really any damage, but a car pulled up and said the police were on the way. My son’s friend took off cause he had a bench warrant. My son got arrested for public intoxication. So now, he will be doing a 90 day stint in some type of rehab jail place, go back in front of the judge, and as long as he doesn’t get in to any trouble, he will be put on probation. If he DOES get in trouble while there, he will have to serve up to five years in prison. Don’t feel sorry for me or him. It’s his fault. He is an idiot. How many times do you have to do the same freaking thing before you learn NOT to do it!!! Hopefully this rehab place will turn his little ass around. I’m scared for him, but I’m also very angry at him. Mixed emotions.

Well, that’s enough for now I guess. There is SO much to tell, but I’ll save that for another day.

Remembering CJ Twomey

I have talked about so much death on my blog. 14 kids so far that my boys know have died in the past few years. And now, a dear blogger friend, has lost her son as well. Please follow the link and leave her your prayers.

http://wonderfulworldofweiners.blogspot.com/2010/04/cj-you-will-forever-be-missed.html