Can you all do me a favor please? Just play along here.
What do you think a "good husband" is or does? What does that mean to you personally? I don't want to know about a "bad" husband, I think we all know what those are and what they do. But what, in your opinion, constitutes a "good husband". I have my own ideas but will post them later. I'm also going to take everyone's answer, put them on a spreadsheet, compile and compare them, and then post about it in a few days.
Let's begin, shall we?
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
I don't ask for much, just play along!
Posted by Bina at 9:40 AM
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28 comments:
I hit on that one just a lil' in my "All about Marriage" post.
See if you can find it. :)
I don't have a husband but once upon a time very long ago I did. I think a "good" husband would take out the trash without being asked, compliment you from time to time, appreciate vocally all that you do for him or the family from time to time, work hard, play hard, provide accordingly, meet your emotional needs, offer encouragement when needed, be morally sound, truthful, faithful and fair, bring flowers home no reasons, offer random I love you's, be accepting and understanding of any deep issues you refuse to deal with & last but not least - understand the meaning of what is mine is mine & what is his is mine :-).
I happen to have one (as you know, I talk about him a lot)
John has ALWAYS put me first.
He defends our family against all odds.
He makes me laugh a lot.
He makes me smile everytime I see him.
He is an unselfish lover. He always makes sure that I am satisfied.
He does housework without being asked.
He doesn't think somethings are his job and some are mine.
He constantly tells me I'm his best friend.
He says that he is happiest at home with only me.
Yet he constantly lets me drag him to parties and outings eventhough he is a true introvert.
He writes me little notes in the fog on the bathroom mirror.
He texts me about 10 times per day just to check in and say that he loves me.
He still gives me butterflies in my stomach.
I think I could go on for days.
Hallie
Damn Hallie....does he have a brother??!
hhhmmm...a "good husband"...well,
I like the laughing part. he should like to laugh and find even the oddest things funny. Private jokes between the 2 of you are always good.
Work hard for his family
put his wife and kids first, before the rest of his family, his job and his friends...
BE FAITHFUL!! nuff said.
Think his wife is beautiful no matter what she weighs, and tell her shes' beautiful
all of these things go for the wife too, really.
I better get to work.
A good husband has a large goatee stand about 6'5 and likes to fish. Truly. That is the mark of a good husband. I promise ;)
Course my wife might disagree.
me...I am a good husband
He is faithful
He is a best friend as well as a lover
He is a regular wage earner
He is a hands on father
He is caring & loving & protective
He is interesting
He shares the same interests
He is sober
He is truthful
He has a sense of humour
He loves me as I am & doesn't want to change me.
Where IS this man & does he exist?
I've only been at it 36 years, I'll get the hang of it one of these days....
buff, you should have your wife post her answer on here! I would love to hear it! Seriously.
A good husband should never have to raise his voice in anger, nor his fist...
A good husband is someone that will sit and hold your hand in a thunder storm knowing that you are frightened by past experiences of storms, and not sit and make fun of you and open all the windows and doors and laff at your tears..
A good husband loves always, even when you do daft things, cos thats just the way you are...
A good husband listens with as much care as oneself listens to him..
A good husband fights your corner with ya twat neighbours LMFAO
A good husband is someone that laffs with you and not at you..
A good husband loves me for who I am and not for someone they wish I could be...
and so the list goes on and on....
x
Bina- She would tell you I'm not perfect, but on the big stuff we agree. The little stuff, well, it really doesn't count much... I allow for her quirks, and she allows for mine... Some of your commenters are living in a fantasy world- If I ever met a guy like some listed, I would wonder what he got caught doing to make him so P-whipped!
Cripes Buff, I must be living in cloud cuckco land then LOL
x
Buff - LOL LOL LOL LOL
Mel - Same for you! LOL
This is difficult for me because the words are more qualitative than quantitative ...
Respect - for what each person brings to the marriage
Honesty - about feelings, goals and values
Unconditional love - not condoning the bad things, but loving you through them
Well, I can only tell you what I strive to do to be a "good" husband:
Be faithful
Be a good listener
Help out around the house
Stop complaining about what bothers me when I know she is going through...
Be supportive
Be there for her...
There are really only two qualities to a good husband or a good wife. All of the things we look for, Honesty, Love, Fidelity, and Respect really fall under these two categories.
1} He or she listens.
2} He or she always tells you the truth, no matter what it is.
I find that if you do this in a relationship, everything falls into place. The Love is there. The caring is there. The Respect is there, etc.
a good husband picks up for you in all matters of life when you, for whatever reason, legitimate or not, good or bad, cannot. a good husband doesn't expect for you to cook his dinner, iron his clothes or do the groceries but if you do that's fine too. a good husband is willing and able to cook, clean, do laundry and even clean the toilet. a good husband will bust his ass to provide for you and his children and always wants to do better. a good husband will buy and cook a turkey tv dinner when you just get home from the hospital after having twins, simply because it's thanksgiving weekend, a good husband lies in bed with you at night when you cry about stupid hormonally induced things. a good husband can tell you when you are wrong or out of line. a good puts his family first. a good husband powders the twins bums just right. a good husband makes sure that he brings an extra jacket just incase you get cold. a good husband feels your pain when you are hurting. a good husband calls you his best friend first and his wife second.
I'm trying to think of some attributes without repeating what's already been said....I think a good husband should be willing to talk. It's hard to get through the tough times without being able to talk about them.
A good husband to me means one who is kind, says loving, positive, encouraging things to everyone in the family. One who doesn't give guilt trips, who is "fair" with household chores, going out, spending money, etc... And one who does what needs to be done to make his partner feel loved & cherished.
Ya know, Bina, when I first read your post, I went away, thought about it, and came back. I learned a long time ago not to go on about Bill as much as I could have because people would get jealous. I'm being serious. But I just had to come back and say that those who think some of these things are impossible to find? They're wrong.
I always said...Bill wasn't perfect, but he was perfect FOR ME. We all go into our marriages/relationships with different "requirements." However, to me there are a few basic things that are non-negotiable--in my opinion, at least. No cheating. No lying. Communicating. Hopefully no addictions but if there are, get it taken care of quicker than quick. Of course, no abuse--physical or mental. Those to me are the very basics.
What Hallie wrote about John is pretty much the way it was with Bill and I, too. Another thing about Bill that I loved was how he treated my family and my friends, too. My family, at the time, could be a little overwhelming and weird, but he was nice to them and sincerely liked them. He loved my Grandma almost as much as I loved her, and she was my favorite person in the world. I could have never married someone who didn't treat my Grandma right. And my girlfriends and their children...he would entertain the kids so we could sit and talk. Basically, if I liked someone, that was good enough for him. He liked them too.
In all of our time together, I cannot recall even one time when he said anything unkind to me or about me. I always came first with him, always. He was an excellent son, an excellent father...but what he was best at was being a husband to me. He loved his Mother very much, and cherished his children, but he always put our marriage and us first.
He was just the best, Bina, the absolute best. I wish you would have known him, he would have loved you. He would be quiet until you get to know him, then he is one of the wittiest people I've ever known. AND he cleaned the house (and did a better job of it than I could ever think of doing).
He was my very best friend and I will love him forever and ever. He was the best husband I could ever ask for; he was worth the wait. I could go on an on for pages, but I think you get the idea...
a good husband (or wife) to me is really just someone you enjoy being with more than they aggrovate you, and someone you want to spend the rest of your life with....
plus being good in bed helps.
He allows you to be you.
He respects you and your opinions.
He honors you.
He is faithful.
He is kind to you and your friends.
He is a good provider.
He is selfless.
He takes out the trash.
He will desire your happiness over his own.
He would rather be with you than with anyone else.
He is a good listener.
He allows you to really be yourself.
He loves you through his actions and his words. And if they don't match, well then that's an issue.
He never holds his power/money/status over your head.
Hallie- after two husbands, I finally found a man like your husband. I am so blessed!
I've thought of another good husband trait: He should have a hobby.
A good husband respects and supports his wife. Loves her, listens to her, catches her before she hits the floor.
A good husband. Hmmm. I have a good husband. And I mean GOOD.
He has no problems helping out with the kids. He changes more than his share of diapers, gets up in the mornings so I can sleep in, and doesn't complain.
He is the one who was adamant that we have a weekly date, just the two of us, and it's been AWESOME.
He makes sure I get mine, EVERY TIME. :)
Communication is imperative. My husband is my best friend. I can tell him ANYTHING. Which is good, because I tell him EVERYTHING. :)
Oh, and he has taken my side not only in a confrontation with my mother but in a confrontation with HIS mother. THAT, my friend, is what won me over, and I thought I was already won over.
Well, I'd say by the comments, if some men want "Stepford Wives", some women want "Stepford Husbands".. If you think marrying someone who is good-looking, or rich, or will do what they are told, you are doomed to fail.. What makes a marriage work for a lifetime is communicating, evolving, and accepting that the world, or your marriage is not perfect, but a good place to be- and hopefully enjoy ..
**If you think marrying someone who is good-looking, or rich, or will do what they are told, you are doomed to fail.. **
re-reading me post.... nope, no mention of any of that :)
and still my marriage failed LOL.... shit, maybe I should of been more like a bitch on heat and bossed me X around and 'told' him to put out the rubbish and and and and and......
A good husband or wife treats their other half with respect and love.... done and dusted :) - both things that I didnt fail in... but it takes two to make it work..
x
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